B.B.D. pt. 2 Dating

I would have to say hands down, that this area is when i learned the most, Not so much DURING, but definatly looking back. Heinsight is truly 20/20. I have confidently said before, that there are 2 in my life, dating, seeing, courting, that would NOT come back to me, if the chance were given. Now currently I am estatic with my decision to be beside one of my own "in the shadows men" (i'll explain later) But this previously stated fact has come to remain true. That there remains to only be two, that I am pretty confident that don't regret their decision to part ways.
Now during the time of the previous men, I was as my friends say, too giving, too much the "traditional asian woman" giving of myself, as i should, but for the wrong men. And just as any other lovestruck one, I couldnt see from inside what they saw from the outside. I gave so much, but i wasnt recognizing the cost. You could say my heart was learning its strength's path to unconditional light. But there would be immense pain before this could happen.

This said pain would come in the form of abuse, verbal, physical, mental, emotional, and any other that exists. Now i understand that i am partially to blame for standing still too long, thinking i could change, change them, all the cliche's yes, ive been there. But along the way there would be men that would come into my path, like Tee that would make me bluntly realize my worth. Now I am not saying I immediately took it to heart and changed, but their effect on my life is permenantly marked as positive, and I couldn't attribute my strength correctly without recognizing their role in my life. I learned to stand up, my worth first or nothing. And God, not that I'm bible reading, or church going, but God gave me a gift to recognize a much needed change in how i percieved myself and males in general. To take a different look all together.

Instead of worrying and wasting time over "what I did wrong" I began to realize all those things I did right, and you know what? I started to realize that I was not being utilized for what I was. A powerful queen, a partner willing to give her last breath for her king and her king in the making. In love you don't count the costs, and as time passed, I too quit counting the costs, and you know what, I began to learn more and more how to love myself. So powerful is the person who can see how to, and applies that in the face of ultimate adversity. I began to look back on all the "relationships" I have had in my almost 30 years and realize that in some way or another, during my life, all but 2 men that i thought i did wrong by, admitted their wrong. Some didnt do it bluntly, and that would attribute to me not catching it till much later, but how empowering is that, knowing that the fault you took for the split, is now being placed correctly by the one deserving of it. Its late, but better late than never.

The dating world is meant for building your heart, soul and spirit. Knowing what you want, deserve and should be aiming for. All from the mistakes, "trip& fall" all in the ways of learning how to "walk." I have realized this, that even though there is much recovery left for me, that the rest is to be achieved aside a good king. Its unfamiliar territory I haven't explored in ages, total reciprocation of what ive been giving to the unworthy ones, its well, well, overdue. Grow, learn together, its the way a kingdom grows unconditional. Vitality of Communication, Compromise, Loyalty, Monogamy, Honesty, and Love, is realized within the one who embodies that which completes