GROWTH

then and now.... I always admired those that spoke their mind about everything happening to them. I always let karma take control. I lived the old school style of love, giving completely of myself for something that I wanted. What did I recieve in return? 13+ years of nothing, minus 3 relationships/men I will never forget. And yet, after all the pain i endured i kept pushing, hurting myself deeper and deeper never losing faith. And just when I was about to completely snap I was given the door to the embodiement that i had been looking for, but never saw, even though they were there through the most brutal times recently of my life. But in order to keep my well deserved gift, I was shown that not a new years resolution, but a NEW LIFE resolution had to be made. and in this process, I was shown everything in a whole new light and gladly i lock the other doors and burn bridges, get this, WITHOUT REMORSE!!! i know right? me? not second guessing something. even before the new year hit i was getting closure from some of the most traumatic mistakes i made that hurt those who meant the most to me, in other vicious times in my life. You truly do learn and grow. and Im about to spend my remaining breaths growing even more. You used to be able to leave me behind, doing all you do( god i hate that phrase) and still come back to find me as faithful as forever, and yet when i first decided to revolt against that, i hurt someone so incredibly. Abuse for me started in society and just got pegged more and more. I always took the, "they wouldnt hurt me like that" stance, each time wrong more and more. I slowly began to take on this whole, "out for myself" persona society today has, I hated to admit it and would rarely show it, but it was true. It came to a head with my sons dad, and anyone who knows that saga closely knows that the time he existed was a turbulant one. But I have been given a great gift, that at first i didnt know how to handle, I was surely not ready to handle on my own. My son is MY reflection, not of his father, but of ME. And i will never have it any other way. Now, if you're not going to benefit, protect, or provide a safer haven for my legecy keeper, then i have no need for you. Ill still be your aquaintence, but I will not "jump" until you show me CONCRETE evidence of two things, A) you are unconditonal B) I will get the EQUIVELINT of what I put into you. otherwise expect very little. BITCH? yes sir, if thats what todays society calls it, then VERY PROUDLY I AM. but i get what i need. its amazing what societey creates then turns around and desecrates. I have written many blogs justifying my relationship, and you know what? I Was about to, but this relationship, anything i do, should have no need to be justified, or given evidence as to why it exists. Previously, I would give all the reasons why, but two hearts know why, have endoured alot on either side, and together. All anyone need be concerned about is I am happy, my son is well cared for, and things are good, reciprocation is concrete. Anyone to attempt to desecrate it, or doubt it is not to even be considered a waste of concern. True friends are just that true.