life is unfair

My immediate family shocked me recently by allowing my bf and i to come up for a visit. This may sound normal to the rest of you, but from these two people, it took me completely off guard and honestly? Im a lil nervous. Now i know they like him and all that, he's the best man ive ever dated. but other than for about a half hour, they've never been too keen on me having men at the house, or any of my boyfriends in close quarters for very long. Now I know things have gotten deep with Tim and I and I really couldnt be happier. The family that has met him adore him, as do apparently my parents. And the issue of race with my extended family so far has not been an issue. My cousins adore what they are learning and my one set of aunt/uncle like him too.

But then there is the rest of my family, its hard being in a mixed race family with the majority from, and still living in the east to begin with. I know that my grandparents in the begining were against my adoption in the first place because it was mixing races again but have grown to love me. So its a part of them I've come to respectfully not touch. I will not try to fight what I cant empathize with. I know that my parents best intention was their concern. So I am curious, if their grandaughter has found love, and their greatgrandson is in good hands, what should the color of the skin matter. I am one to truly know that long habits are hard to break, especially racerelations, so i keep my mouth shut as much as possible. My bitterness is more with some members of my extended family.

I dont think race should and even the age isnt a factor, but this year, the year that my grandmother turns 90, I have to part ways and be the ONE person in my family of 35+ to leave their significant other in their home state, all because he happens to be black.Now, there are plenty of months left between now and august and who knows what will happen, I didnt think this union would get to where it is now, but look how estatic and good things have become so I will continue to pray. Now i know family reunions are supposed to be for official family, but there were serious dating people invited to come just as much as i dont think sarah and jason were married before sarah came. and yet, when i want to include one of the best men in my life to ever exist, AND he's willing to help, if not completely cover our way, i cant cause of his hue.

It just goes to show me the fact that some people, as much as they say they are with it, really cant let go of the past and learn. Hypocritical? in a way i believe, because if you teach your kids not to see color lines in the new century, why cant you? You want your kids to succeed and see no race boundaries, everything should be equal. so does that mean that truly, you dont believe in affirmitave action? Don't let me catch you agreeing with the NAACP anytime soon. Or anything positively related to the United Negro Fund. I have never been one to be loud and confrontational, but this fact, I am very strong on. If you do not let your own family have mixed race relations without having nothing but negativity, dont let me catch you being all positive when itcomes to society allowing mixed relations. It is the definition of hypocritics, and I dont deal with them. i could get really cruel but I will leave it at that.

I'm not trying to cause too many waves, but through therapy I have come to realize that this issue is partially the reason why i dont get too close to men, cause in the back of my mind, the race I choose to date would become a boulder in my family and him, and that includes my wedding, my future kids. I'm pretty sure I wouldnt want to know people's true reaction to my son, this is enough. It took almost 2yrs of him courting me and us being friends for it to get to this point so I will continue to pray and just look forward to life as its given to me.

.